I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No I am not eating basil off your cock
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
