Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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