Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
