I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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