A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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