ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
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I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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