i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
