Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
jump out the window naked night went bad
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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