I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
