How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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