as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
