we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
