I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
