i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
