i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
