You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
