I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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