It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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