i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
