Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
