I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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