Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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