True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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