Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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