Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
