Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
