Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
