I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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