when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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