So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
