She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
