I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
