My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
