lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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