I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
