After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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