you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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