Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
