My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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