if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
