A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
