well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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