I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
