mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
