Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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