I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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