I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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