Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
