nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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