Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
