Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
