never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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