What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
