Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
