when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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