What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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