no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
