This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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