i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize