So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
