i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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