im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
