these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
