I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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