I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
