I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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