omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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