I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
