i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
