idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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