there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
