honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my shit smells like andre
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
