Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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