She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
